These comments are so validating. I was reading this piece and feeling its truth in a very deep way. At the same time big fear came up. One can say, oh you read this because the fear wanted to be expressed…and that may be true. Still I know that my fear comes from a terror rooted in childhood trauma. There’s a 6 year old in me (a nod to linear reality, but also real in the present) who does not need to hear that she’s afraid because she chose to be. That may be true in an ultimate or pre-incarnation sense, but to her it feels exactly the same as her core belief “you deserved to be abused”. She has other needs—comfort, firm and loving reassurance—and if linear time is not real, this affirms her presence in the here and now. My issue w awakening in general has always been that spiritual practice confronts me with my trauma history. For this reason an earth based animist spirituality is more appropriate for me than stuff that gets too abstract. I am committed to working through my fears of releasing control but they are real and need to be respected. I spent too much time trying to be someone I’m not.