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What I’ve Learned from Bad Therapy Experiences
I’m an expert on child/adolescent/young adult sexual and emotional trauma — I’ve had, no lie, more than 20 therapists over time. That’s not important: The main thing is that I understand healing in a deep way. Healing from trauma is an art form undergirded by science. While it can be helpful to understand the science around trauma, for the person who is trying to heal, it’s not always enough.
Consider learning about anxiety, versus actually being anxious. Guess which one is potentially more fun? When I‘m anxious, the most helpful people to be around aren’t always the professionals. Sure, it’s helpful to know that the brain’s wired-in fight-or-flight response can overwhelm the rational brain, holding it hostage. But bringing my anxiety to mental health professionals hasn’t helped that much. The real problem is shame: The only way to dispel strong shame is through non-shaming relationship. And I’m not saying that therapists shamed me: We’re talking some really good ones here.
But I managed to grow up and be pretty functional by being hyper-verbal as a way of masking shame. I’m sure some of those therapists were on to me, but I wasn’t willing to let them probe. And that doesn’t mean I should have been willing.
The professional may correctly teach how to dispel anxiety, but if I’m not able to build an emotionally safe…
