Q is for Quaker: A Conspiracy Theory
When life is stressful, the stressed become…paranoid.
I can confidently say that the chest pains I’m suffering are due to stress. See, I’m not unhinged! Therefore, the following is fully verifiable…if you know how to interpret the signs. Stay with me, and I’ll unveil the Grand Truth Tying It All Together.
Life has a way of scrambling your psychological eggs. But not me! I’m as rational as Donald Trump. Just a lot nicer, which proves I’m right.
Stress #1: My 96-year-old Quaker mother was buried yesterday. It was a very sweet time, actually. I was particularly taken with the three men from the funeral home. I took a photo of them, but it has mysteriously disappeared from my phone. Hmmm…with their practiced sympathy, slightly mismatched grey suits, tasteful ear piercings, and questionable teeth, they resembled low-level mafia hit men. I asked my son later if one of them had a gun-like bulge under his jacket. He didn’t think so, but I think he was just placating me.
These “funeral director guys” thought it was funny when I told them they looked like mafiosi. Which totally proves my point. They wouldn’t have been so casual about it if it weren’t true.
Now, my poor mother sleeps with the fishies. Only not in water. But with global warming, who knows?
