Much needed article. Thank you! I had horrible intrusive thoughts about harming my toddler—one of the worst involving the garbage disposal in the kitchen sink—but I was, fortunately, seeing an excellent therapist who called my attention to the child sexual abuse I had suffered as a young child. I also had a couple of horrendous dreams about harming my son. For me, the intrusive thoughts completely resolved as I told myself: Yes. This is just like what XX (my abuser) did to me. (Not literally: but yes, metaphorically) I didn’t say those words to make the thoughts go away. Somehow I knew intuitively that if I tried to willfully “banish” them by repeatedly a formula, it would be counterproductive. I simply reminded myself of this because it was true: the harm I envisioned myself enacting on my son had been done to me, no, not literally but again metaphorically. It was almost a side effect of this practice but blessedly welcome. The thoughts lost their power and soon vanished altogether. (My son is now 36 years old and we have a very good relationship.) A second pregnancy was completely free of these thoughts—my daughter is 28.

I think this topic speaks to the incredible vulnerability in a mother that pregnancy can bring out. If you were not safe as a young child, becoming pregnant can bring this out in very difficult ways—especially if, like me, you spent decades pretending you were fine.

I hope all those who suffer in this way will find solid ground on which to stand.